to post is to procrastinate

as my fingers skim the keyboard and the letters turn to words ready to recount a trivial everyday experience, a sliver of guilt is growing…shortly it will be a slice.

i have been quietly absent. i have been diligent. i have been devoting every moment of uninterrupted time to my real life ‘job,’  but nursing my tea tonight my mind has wondered, it has dipped, wobbled and settled elsewhere and thus, as i post, i procrastinate.

i have been elbow deep in the matrix of marketing. the world of consumption, attitude formation, target markets, consumer behaviour, strategies, tactics, mass media and finally social media.  i’m still in the abyss, but amidst all of the art and science of marketing there is the greater mystery…the psychology of us.

at 20 i was philosophical, a feminist of sorts, contemplative, decisive, flouted tradition, unbreakable, adventurous, open to debate and so sure of myself. i did not have my life planned but i predicted an unconventional life. i did not want marriage nor children. in some ways i was so certain, thoughts were black and white yet i was open to nuances of difference.

and now, much later, i am a mystery to myself in many ways, i am steeped in stereotype yet i did not stumble down this path, nor was i lead unwilling, nor did i settle or give up.

i am me. but i am a “target market”….am i the soccer mom?…not quite, but the apple doesn’t fall far from that tree. i am a married female, mother of 1 child, i work part-time, i drive an SUV, i do yoga and pilates, i run, i am fit, i like fashionable things but am no longer a fierce fashionista (well maybe i never was fierce but there was a bit more fire), i have a smartphone and i blog. how many others out there are me?  more that a few i am sure. but whether or not i am defined by what i do, how i look, what i drive or how i got here, i’m here and i like it.

almost 20 years later, i have found the problem with black-and-white writing, definitions and thinking, is that it does not reflect the complexity and intricacies of human nature.

so amidst my everyday musing, contemplations, pondering and serious procrastination i’ve decided to kick cliches to the curb. who cares if i am every one. what matters to me is the happiness, health and well being of those close to my heart.  how i chose to love, live and give matters not that i am every mom doing yoga and driving a minivan.

how’s that for procrastination?

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening, that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique.” Martha Graham