3 weeks to crazy
yes, september can be a rough one. summer is slipping away and dusk dances across the horizon much earlier, its inevitable temperatures cool and pedi’s fade. it is back to school and work. it can be exhausting, exhilarating and invigorating–all at the same time.
not one to miss out, i embraced september with a ‘let’s kick this into high gear’ attitude. i decided to get down to brass tacks– i opted for a treatment (medication) that i had been avoiding for 4 years. on september 11 (that mighta been a tip-off) i went for it.
it took 3 weeks to get me to crazy. it wasn’t a slow and subtle transformation, i went from 0-100k in 3 days…sort of like a roller-coaster ride… the slow anticipation as you climb to the top and then as the nose points downwards you start to smile, then scream, and before you know it you are hanging on for dear life.
it was as if overnight i became irritable, irrational, impatient and a little bit angry all of the time. moreover, i was plagued with lower back pain, hot flashes, anxiety, heart palpitations, mild to splitting headaches and bone and muscle aches. best of all, i was getting fat! medically this might be defined as “water retention,” but when your jeans are snug and your face is puffy…there is not a medical term in the world that can right that wrong.
on october 2 i called a cease and desist. no more treatment. if that was a fix i would rather be broken.
so what did i learn in my 3 weeks to crazy? well…
1>i can trust my body and myself.
2>i am so thankful for my support system. i didn’t want to live with me, so i thank those who did.
3>when you are diagnosed with anything you need to have your doctor on your side. my doctor is an angel, but i went through a few before i found her. we tried and failed, but she was on my side when i said no more!
4>my body beats to its own drum–yes i succumbed to some of the noted side effects (only seen in about 1-3% of all women) but i produced a few of my own–so i am pretty confident the side effects were not a self-fulfilling prophecy
5>i have the power to help and share with others some of the tips and tricks i’ve learned to be happier and healthier
so what is it that has me a little bit broken? i like many other women have endometriosis a condition, disorder or disease depending on who is defining it. it is one of those ‘things’ we don’t talk about it over coffee or dinner because it involves lady parts. the best way to explain it–it is like ‘weeds in the garden’–there are cells growing outside of the uterus. let me assure you, you don’t want them there. from insufferable infertility and crippling pain that morphine or oxycodone can’t touch, the road is a little bumpy. and although there are courses of ‘treatment’ there is no cure.
a while ago i was trying to figure out what would light my fire? well after 3 weeks to crazy i know that was a ride i would have skipped. after 23 years i’ve got a pretty good perspective on endo (as i call it) and i know i’ve got it within me to advocate, to educate and to share.
next steps, i am going to share the good the bad and the ugly…not here (i’ll spare you that) but in a space and place where perhaps i can ‘tell it like it is’ and help other women find their way to better health and healing
it ain’t an easy ride (they never are) but if i can prevent one more 3 week ride to crazy i will. stay tuned.